DOs & DON’Ts For Condom Users

We all know about practising safer sex, that we should always use a condom, and that we should use a water not oil based lube. But for beginners, here are a few “Do”s and “Don’t”s that are less well known.

DO Put it on your penis, not your nose
DO Tie it up afterwards
DON’T Produce a tattered packet that looks as though you’ve been carrying it around hopefully for the last three years
DON’T Blow one up like a balloon, then let go so it whizzes round the room making a farty noise and laugh uproariously
DON’T Hang the used ones off the end of the bed like scalps
DON’T Put used condoms in the bin – especially if you own a dog or have a small child who might run into the kitchen when you’ve got guests shouting, “Look what I’ve found – what is it ?”
DON’T Stock up at motorway service stations. They cost £1 each and are thick enough to fit on a formula one racing car
DON’T Attempt to reuse a condom after a false start. They are virtually impossible to roll up again (or so my friend Martyn tells me)
DON’T Use Fiesta without warning your partner. Even then, it’s advisable to eschew the yellow ones, or where sunglasses
DON’T Use the Durex machine in the King’s Arms, Huddersfield – it is rigged to sirens and flashing lights in the public bar
0 0 votes
Rate this item
Notify of
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments