These are [allegedly] genuine excuse notes from parents, including the original spelling, collected by schools from all over the United States.

My son is under a doctor’s care and should not take P.E. today. Please execute him
Please excuse Lisa for being absent. She was sick and I had her shot
Please excuse Gloria from Jim today. She is administrating
Please excuse Roland from P.E. for a few days. Yesterday he fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip
John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face
Chris will not be in school cus he has an acre in his side
Please excuse Ray Friday from school. He has very loose vowels
Please excuse Pedro from being absent yesterday. He had diahre dyrea direathe the shits
Please excuse Tommy for being absent yesterday. He had diarrhea and his boots leak
Irving was absent yesterday because he missed his bust
Please excuse Jason for being absent yesterday. He had a cold and could not breed well
Please excuse Mary for being absent yesterday. She was in bed with gramps
Gloria was absent yesterday as she was having a gangover
Please excuse Jimmy for being. It was his father’s fault
My daughter was absent yesterday because she was tired. She spent a weekend with the Marines
Dear School:
Please ekscuse John being absent on Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, and also 33rd
Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was hurt in the growing part
Megan could not come to school today because she has been bothered by very close veins
Please excuse Jennifer for missing school yesterday. We forgot to get the Sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it Monday, we thought it was Sunday
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