Being gay has it’s problems, there’s no doubt about it, but there are also loads of reasons it’s great too! Don’t believe me? Here are just 101 of them:

001. You truly don’t care who Julia Roberts is sleeping with

002. You understand the difference between 43 brands of imported vodka

003. You can call anyone “honey” including pets

004. You know someone who definitely was in the emergency room with Richard Gere and the gerbil

005. You understand the immense importance of good lighting

006. You can be at a crowded disco the size of two football fields and still spot a toupee

007. You can tell a woman you love her bathing suit, and mean her bathing suit

008. You can explain the nuances between steady date, boyfriend and lover

009. You really have “been there, done that”

010. Your women friends will tell you everything you want to know about their boyfriends. And that means everything

011. You’re the only type of male who gets to say “fabulous”

012. You can have naked pictures of men you don’t know in your home

013. You can have naked men you don’t know in your home

014. You know how to handle the telephone like a Stradivarius

015. You understand why the good Lord invented spandex

016. You understand why the good Lord didn’t intend everyone to wear it

017. You know how to get back at just about everyone

018. You only wear polyester when you mean to

019. You can smile to let someone know you can’t stand them

020. You can freeze a troll from 20 feet away

021. You’re good pals with women other people can’t stand

022. You’ve always got an opinion

023. You’ve read the book, seen the movie, done the musical

024. You know how to dress strategically

025. Your car has an amusing female name

026. You’re the only one at your high school reunion who looks a lot better than you did in high school

027. You’ve got at least one framed picture of a pet

028. If your mattress could talk, it would be Joan Rivers

029. You know that sex complicates things. So?

030. You know that being called a “cheap slut” isn’t actually an insult

031. There’s a married guy somewhere who is terrified of you

032. Nobody tells you what to do in bed…unless you tell them what to tell you

033. You have a medicine chest stocked for any occasion

034. You have at least one movie musical on video

035. You’re not embarrassed to sing in a piano bar

036. You’re embarrassed by people who sing in piano bars

037. You never hold a grudge for longer than a decade (or two)

038. You know how to make an entrance

039. You know when to make an exit

040. You worry about people you don’t even know-like Liz Minnelli

041. You choose the most fabulous greeting cards

042. You know how to program your VCR

043. You’ve got sunscreen at every conceivable SPF level

044. You have a cologne display worthy of Bloomindales

045. You understand, viscerally, Joan Crawford

046. One or more of the following apply to you:

    a) You adore Judy Garland
    b) You hate Judy Garland
    c) You hate people who adore Judy Garland
    d) You hate people who hate Judy Garland
    e) You don’t give a damn about Judy Garland
    f) Who is Judy Garland?

047. You know when to play dumb

048. You know what to do for a hangover

049. Yes, you do have a condom

050. You’ve called someone “girlfriend” who is neither a girl nor a friend

051. Some of your best friends are your ex-lovers

052. You can supply the last names to the following list:

    a) Bernadette b) Chita c) Barbra

053. You made Donna Summer a star

054. You made Donna Summer a has-been

055. Tanning salons were invented for you

056. You’ve made sunbathing a performance art

057. You know when the party’s over

058. You know where to go after the party’s over

059. You’re fearless about fighting the elements, especially gravity

060. You know that pigs and bears are not necessarily rural wildlife.

061. When you hear “a stitch in time saves nine” you think of:

    a) Your face lift
    b) John Wayne Bobbit

062. Your roommate can be your roommate and not your “roommate”

063. You know that referring to someone as “a real lady” isn’t necessarily a compliment

064. Your favourite dinner accessory may also be your dinner companion

065. You know that the most important part of a party’s decor is the catering staff

066. If your cat is a female, you swear it’s a lesbian

067. If your cat is a male, you swear it’s a lesbian

068. You sing along heartily with songs that make most females cringe, like “Stand by Your Man”

069. You’ve been to a barmitzvah, a christening, a first communion and too many weddings

070. You’ll never have to hear your mother complain about your wife

071. A two-seater convertible seems perfectly practical to you

072. You have a favourite Disney character and it’s usually a nasty one

073. You’ve left someone totally speechless

074. You’ve shaved something other than your face

075. All your friends do not have to “get along”

076. You have large collection of anniversary pictures. They may be with different guys, however

077. Your love handles are actually used as such

078. When someone turns his back on you, you actually consider it an opportunity

079. You’ve got a large assortment of movie-star biographies

080. You’ve got the most interesting coffee table books

081. You know where to find a meat rack and it ain’t in your kitchen drawer

082. You have a sexual persuasion with its own flag

083. At some moment in your life you’ve envisioned having back-up girls.

084. You know your enemies

085. After a workout at the gym, you feel like a new man. And he’s right there in the shower

086. You’re Barbra Streisand’s biggest fan

087. You know that Barbra Streisand’s biggest fan is Barbra Streisand

088. Not only have you added spice to your life – sometimes you’ve added side dishes

089. You know that “small talk” can be about spirituality or politics, and “important issues” can be about hair

090. You’ve actually lived out some of your fantasies

091. Unlike most straight women, you have no problem being treated solely as a sex object

092. You have no doubts about the accuracy of the “Kinsey Report”

093. You know, by heart, every line in:

    a) All About Eve
    b) The Rocky Horror Picture Show
    c) Your face

094. You are ALWAYS ready for your close-up

095. You have 412 ways to tell someone to get lost. 136 of which are non-verbal

096. You can lip-sync to at least one Supremes song

097. You have a carefully selected Yiddish vocabulary

098. Even if you’re in Kansas, you’re not in Kansas anymore

099. You know exactly how many martinis it takes

100. When throwing a party, you know how to put out quite a spread. Sometimes after the party too

101. You know that if you have to say, “I’m cool”, you’re not