Read – or sing – to the tune of Gloria Gaynor’s

I Will Survive!

At first I was afraid, I was petrified.
By the ugly wanker that was lying by my side.
I would’ve drunk a little less,
I would’ve tried to keep my head,
If I’d known for just one second
I’d be in your crusty bed.
I tried to go, walk out the door.
But I laughed so hard at your small knob
I fell down on the floor.
Your butt is such a pimply mess,
it’s just a laughable disgrace,
But I would rather look at that,
Than at your fuckin’ ugly face..!
I want to go, I’ve got to leave.
Your talk of beer and chicks and football
Really makes me want to heave.
I only know I’ve got to stop
My drinking spirits and the beer
Coz when I looked at you last night,
You looked just like that Richard Gere!
Please let me go, I feel quite sick,
We had the worst sex in the world
And you’re a really ugly prick
I should have shagged your gorgeous mate,
At least he’s got a lovely flat
But no I go and trust the booze
And now I’m stuck with you, you twat.
It’s time to go, run out the door.
You look so fuckin’ ugly it should be against the law.
I’m going to give up all the booze,
I’m going to have no stupid fun
Coz waking up beside your mug
Just makes me want to be a nun!
I can’t believe, that we both shagged.
You should be wearing concrete shoes
Or maybe simply bound and gagged.
I’m fucking off right now,
I’m jumping on the soonest flippin’ train
And I’m not stopping till I’m home
And washed your greeblies down the drain.
….. repeat chorus
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