Recorded on Sunday, the 15th of July 2007 at the New Wimbledon Theatre and first broadcast on Monday, the 2nd of July 2007. (Repeated on the 8th of July.)
Chair: Humphrey Lyttelton Pianist: Colin Sell Scorer: Samantha Producer: Jon Naismith Programme Consultant: Iain Pattinson
 

Teams:

Barry Cryer and Graeme Garden   -v-   Tim Brooke-Taylor and Jeremy Hardy

Humphrey Lyttelton "Wimbledon village and four hundred acres of prime land were under the ownership of the Cecil family until 1638, when King Charles the First bought the property as a birthday present for his wife Henrietta-Maria. Sadly it was not only the wrong size and colour, but it also made her bum look big."
Round 1: Inadvisable Openings
Graeme Garden The Da Vinci Code: " 'I would like to help with your evil scheme,' said the albino monk, 'but these barbed wire underpants are giving me jip.' "
Jeremy Hardy The Origin of Species: "In the beginning, God created the Heaven and the Earth …"
Tim Brooke-Taylor The Mr.Men: "Mr. Politically-Incorrect awoke to find himself surrounded by frogs, wops, huns and dagos."

 

Round 2: One Song to the Tune of Another
Barry Cryer You're A Pink Toothbrush  to the tune of New York, New York Tim Brooke-Taylor I Predict A Riot  to the tune of The Habanera from Carmen
Jeremy Hardy Creep  to the tune of There's No One Quite Like Grandma Graeme Garden Remember You're A Womble  to the tune of The Chorus of The Hebrew Slaves

 

Round 3: Daily Mail Headlines
Humphrey Lyttelton "Actually, I've stopped taking the Daily Mail now that their astrologer, Russell Grant, has left. It was inevitable Russell would have to go as he could never get along with the editor of the Woman's section. She's a capricorn, and he's an idiot."
Barry Cryer Graeme Garden Jeremy Hardy Tim Brooke-Taylor From Brilliant New Lulu Chart Entry Stuns Pundits to Franciscan Brother Cell Mates Choose Sexual Pleasures.

 

Round 4: Dead Air
Jeremy Hardy Tim Brooke-Taylor "Thought For The Day with Peaches Geldof" Barry Cryer Graeme Garden "Turnip Watch with Bill Oddie"

 

Round 5: 84 Chicken Cross Road
Barry Cryer Graeme Garden Julius Caesar Jeremy Hardy Tim Brooke-Taylor Cleopatra

 

Round 6: Late Arrivals   The Butchers' Ball
Graeme Garden "Mr. and Mrs. Itsteak, and their son, Phil Itsteak" Barry Cryer "Mr. and Mrs. Klingpig, and their daughter Sue Klingpig"
Jeremy Hardy "Mr. and Mrs. Poundamince, and their son, Arthur Poundamince" Tim Brooke-Taylor "Mr. and Mrs. Wingsteak, and their son, Stu"

 

Humphrey Lyttelton "… as the goldfish of time swims round the bowl of fate, before being flushed round the u-bend of eternity …"