Recorded on Monday, the 2nd of July 2012 at the Rose Theatre in Kingston-Upon-Thames and first broadcast on Monday, the 30th of July 2012. (Repeated on the 5th of August.)
Chair: Jack Dee Pianist: Colin Sell Scorer: Samantha Producer: Jon Naismith Programme Consultant: Iain Pattinson


Barry Cryer and Graeme Garden   -v-   Tim Brooke-Taylor and Ross Noble

Jack Dee "The most famous son of Kingston was Jack Rackham, the 18th century pirate. Rackham captured a Spanish galleon laden with bullion and sailed to South America, where he traded gold for coffee and rubber from Amazon natives. They suggested that other sailors who bought those Amazon products …"
Round 1: Uxbridge English Dictionary
Examples are a regular feature of this round "Most people don't know the difference between atomic and nuclear. Well, it's quite simple if you bother to look them up. Nuclear refers to using or producing nuclear energy through fission or fusion, or describes certain military weapons of mass destruction. Whereas atomic is what you put in your gin, with ice and lemon."
Tim Brooke-Taylor "Polaroids : Painful condition from sitting on icebergs" Graeme Garden "Precipitate : An art gallery on a cliff"
Ross Noble "Impair : What gets cut at a pixie barber" Barry Cryer "Coypu : What is done behind a bush at a picnic"


Round 2: Sound Charades
Ross Noble Tim Brooke-Taylor The Clangers Barry Cryer Graeme Garden The Lost Weekend


Round 3: Chat-up Lines   Olympic chat-up lines
Jack Dee "They went to watch races such as The Cheltenham Gold Cup, run by four year olds, which made an amusing change from horses ... "
Ross Noble "I hear you're a handball player? You've got hands, I've got … " Barry Cryer "Hi … no, it's not a javelin"


Round 4: Mornington Crescent   Cockney Rhyming Slang Variation
barry-cryer "Best take the pill, Lavendar Hill" Barry Cryer "Piers Morgan, Hampton Wick"


Round 5: What's The Question?
barry-cryer "The world hibernation record" Tim Brooke-Taylor "What would you like Jeremy Clarkson to win?"
tim-brooke-taylor "The balls" Ross Noble "What did Quazimodo shout in the porn version of The Hunchback of Notre Dame?"
ross-noble "The Seine" Graeme Garden "What group of people dislike Michael Gove?"


Round 6: Swanee-Kazoo
Ross Noble Tim Brooke-Taylor 'A' You're Adorable Barry Cryer Graeme Garden The Chattanooga Choo Choo


Round 7: Song Book   Ill Persons' Song Book
Graeme Garden "Queasy Like Sunday Moaning" Barry Cryer "Shingle Bells" Ross Noble "I Got Flu Babe" Tim Brooke-Taylor "While My Catarrh Gently Weeps"


Jack Dee "And that marks the end of the show, and this series, which itself marks forty years of the show. After all that time it was decided the teams could use some really strong new gags. It's just a pity they didn't wear them."