Recorded on Wednesday, the 31st of October 2012 at the Symphony Hall in Birmingham and first broadcast on Monday, the 3rd of December 2012. (Repeated on the 9th of December.)
Chair: Jack Dee Pianist: Colin Sell Scorer: Samantha Producer: Jon Naismith Programme Consultant: Iain Pattinson


Barry Cryer and Graeme Garden   -v-   Tim Brooke-Taylor and Jeremy Hardy

Jack Dee "Britain's earliest bicycle factory was at nearby Meridan. Their first model was the Penny Farthing which had a front wheel five feet in diameter and a rear wheel of just eighteen inches … so they sacked the Quality Control Officer. Bicycles, and later motorcycles, were made here by BSA who started out as the Birmingham Small Arms Company … because they made coats and jackets with very short sleeves. In the nineteen fifties bicycles were fitted with gears by Sturmey Archer, one of the few characters in The Archers ever to have a real job."
Round 1: Uxbridge English Dictionary
Examples are a regular feature of this round "This can lead to confusion, for example between the terms resurrection and exhumation. Well, the difference is that exhumation was originally digging up a body but can also mean to reintroduce something that was long forgotten or neglected, whereas if your resurrection lasts for more than four hours, you should call a doctor."


Round 2: Pick-up Song
Barry Cryer Reet Petite Graeme Garden La Mer Tim Brooke-Taylor Love Machine Jeremy Hardy Hungry Like The Wolf
Jack Dee "This really is the show that's got something for everyone. For Jeremy, we've got Temazepan."


Round 3: Sound Charades
Jeremy Hardy Tim Brooke-Taylor Paint Your Wagon Barry Cryer Graeme Garden Skyfall Jeremy Hardy Tim Brooke-Taylor Robinson Crusoe Barry Cryer Graeme Garden QI
Jeremy Hardy Honestly, when this is edited you won't recognise it ... because it's Gardeners Question Time.


Round 4: Incomplete   Catchphrases
jeremy-hardy "Wham, bam …" Tim Brooke-Taylor "…"George Michael's driven into a wall"
tim-brooke-taylor "You are awful but …" Barry Cryer "… you're still through to the next round."
barry-cryer "Coughs and sneezes …" Jeremy Hardy "… are no bar to employment at Subway."
jeremy-hardy "The bigger they are, the harder …" Graeme Garden "… it is to find pants that fit."


Round 5: Just A Minim
Jack Dee "[Just A Minute] is a long-running radio favourite that has been on the air since 1967, so this year the BBC celebrated the anniversary by flying the Just A Minute team to India to record a special edition. ISIHAC has just marked forty years on air, and last week we were at a Travelodge near Dunstable."
Happy Talk; Going To The Zoo


Round 6: Song Book   Shepherds' Song Book
Tim Brooke-Taylor "Put Your Sheep Dips A Little Closer To the Phone" Jeremy Hardy "I Wanna Sex Ewe Up by Colour Me Baaaaad"
Graeme Garden "Cum By … ar, m'Lord" Barry Cryer "You Ain't Mutton But A Hound Dog"


Jack Dee " … as the white horse of time goes into the pub of destiny, and the barman of fate says 'you're a horse, you can't speak, and you don't drink beer, so get out' …"