Email ‘Out of Office’ Replies

I am currently out of the office at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position.

Please be prepared for my mood.

I will be out of the office for the next two weeks for medical reasons.

When I return, please refer to me as 'Lucille' instead of Steve.

You are receiving this automatic notification, because I am out of the office.

If I was in, chances are you wouldn't have received anything at all.

Sorry to have missed you, but I'm at the doctor's having my brain and heart removed so I can be promoted to our management team.

I will be unable to delete all the emails you send me until I'm back from vacation.

Please be patient, and your mail will be deleted on my return, in the order it was received.

Thank you for your email.

Your credit card has been charged $5.99 for the first 10 words and $1.99 for each additional word in your message.

Hi, I'm thinking about what you've just sent me.

Please wait by your PC for my response.

I've run away to join a different circus.

Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system.

You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks.