We all enjoy a good party. Here is a handy guide on how to enjoy it to the max.
Symptom |
Beer unusually pale and tasteless |
Fault |
Glass empty. |
Action |
Get someone to buy you another beer |
Symptom |
Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights |
Fault |
You have fallen over backward |
Action |
Have yourself lashed to bar |
Symptom |
Beer tasteless, front of your shirt is wet |
Fault |
Mouth not open, or glass applied to wrong area of face |
Action |
Retire to restroom, practise in mirror |
Symptom |
Mouth contains cigarette butt |
Fault |
You have fallen forward |
Action |
See above |
Symptom |
Floor blurred |
Fault |
You are looking through bottom of empty glass |
Action |
Get someone to buy you another beer |
Symptom |
Floor moving |
Fault |
You are being carried out |
Action |
Find out if you are being taken to another bar |
Symptom |
Room seems unusually dark |
Fault |
Bar has closed |
Action |
Confirm home address with bartender |
Symptom |
Everyone looks up to you and smiles |
Fault |
You are dancing on the table |
Action |
Fall on somebody cushy-looking |
Symptom |
Beer is crystal-clear |
Fault |
It’s water. Somebody is trying to sober you up |
Action |
Punch him |
Symptom |
Hands hurt, nose hurts, mind unusually clear |
Fault |
You have been in a fight |
Action |
Apologise to everyone you see, just in case it was them |
Symptom |
Don’t recognise anyone, don’t recognize the room you’re in |
Fault |
You’ve wandered into the wrong party |
Action |
See if they have free beer |
Symptom |
Your singing sounds distorted |
Fault |
The beer is too weak |
Action |
Have more beer until your voice improves |
Symptom |
Taxi suddenly takes on colourful aspect and textures |
Fault |
Beer consumption has exceeded personal limitation |
Action |
Cover mouth |