
English
Dictionary
Shit
What Sean Connery says to his dog
Transylvanian
Someone called Sylvia who’s in the process of becoming Ian

Audience
Question
What benefits of aging have you discovered?
“My parents don’t know who I am!”

“A man stripped off and took a naked dip in the Bridgewater Canal in front of shocked passers-by. The man was described as white, about six foot tall and soaking wet.”
Manchester Evening News

“There will be a game where somebody scores more than Brazil and that might be the game that they lose.”
Bobby Robson

Foil pick pockets by placing a freshly toasted “pop tart” in each pocket. Would-be thieves will quickly rupture the fragile pastry and receive nasty finger burns from the steaming hot jam inside.