The Uxbridge
English
Dictionary

Shit

What Sean Connery says to his dog

Transylvanian

Someone called Sylvia who’s in the process of becoming Ian

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The
Audience
Question

What benefits of aging have you discovered?

“My parents don’t know who I am!”

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“A man stripped off and took a naked dip in the Bridgewater Canal in front of shocked passers-by. The man was described as white, about six foot tall and soaking wet.”

Manchester Evening News

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“There will be a game where somebody scores more than Brazil and that might be the game that they lose.”

Bobby Robson

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Foil pick pockets by placing a freshly toasted “pop tart” in each pocket. Would-be thieves will quickly rupture the fragile pastry and receive nasty finger burns from the steaming hot jam inside.