Pendulous

When you can put a pen under it and it stays there

Suggest a low budget movie title

“The Dis-count of Monte Cristo”

“That would have been a goal if it wasn’t saved.”

Kevin Keegan

“To those of you texting in regarding the news item about the Vera Lynn tribute flypast, this event has been hampered by poor weather, not by Paul Weller.”

BBC 6 Music

Give up smoking by sticking one cigarette from each new pack up a fat friend’s arse, filter first, then replacing it in the box. The possibility of putting that one in your mouth will put you off smoking any of them.