Dildo

Herbal bread mix

Take us through your morning routine.

“I get up at 4:30am and do a ten-mile run before writing 2000 words of my novel. Then I wake up.”

“I would not be bothered if we lost every game as long as we won the league.”

Mark Viduka

“Unfortunately, Slimming World has had to cancel its meetings here on Saturday mornings as the group is too large for the room.”

A poster seen in a leisure centre

Give up smoking by sticking one cigarette from each new pack up a fat friend’s arse, filter first, then replacing it in the box. The possibility of putting that one in your mouth will put you off smoking any of them.