Ways to liven up an otherwise dull trip to your local supermarket:
In the store’s food court, buy a soft drink; explain that you don’t get out much, and ask if they can put a little umbrella in it.
While handling guns in the hunting department, suddenly ask the clerk where the anti-depressants are
Tell an employee in an official tone, “I think we’ve got a Code 3 in housewares,” and see what happens
Move “Caution: Wet Floor” signs to carpeted areas
Switch the men’s and women’s signs on the doors of the rest rooms
Set up a “Valet Parking” sign in front of the store
Tune all the radios to a polka station; then turn them all off and turn the volumes to “10”
Make a trail of orange juice on the floor, leading to the rest rooms
When someone asks if you need help, begin to cry and ask, “Why won’t you people just leave me alone?”
Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from “Mission Impossible.”
Hide in the clothing racks and when people browse through, say things like “Pick me! pick me!”
Whenever an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, assume the fetal position and scream “No, no! It’s those voices again!”